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Here’s a look at NASCAR’s Christmas wish list
By admin | December 14, 2010
By Richard Allen
Through an incredible piece of investigative reporting the staff at RacingWithRich.com has obtained a copy of NASCAR’s Christmas wish list to Santa Claus. Although the means by which this letter was secured cannot be revealed, it is important to note that the U.S. Mail was not interfered with in any way.
Here is the verbatim copy of the letter:
Dear Santa,
As you are no doubt aware, this was not exactly the best of years for us here at NASCAR. Our attendance figures were down and significant numbers of empty seats were clearly visible at many of our races. Also, you may have noticed that not nearly as many viewers watched our telecasts this season. Although you may have missed out on that as we saw our ratings drop off in the North Pole region which indicates you must have stopped watching as well.
With all that in mind, we respectfully submit the following requests for your consideration.
First, we would like for you to deposit some invitations to the new NASCAR Hall of Fame in the stockings of as many racing fans as you can. Not nearly as many folks have visited our new facility as we had projected when we proposed the HoF to the city of Charlotte.
Unfortunately, the Hall is experiencing a big budget shortfall which means we here in Daytona Beach can’t collect our royalties until the place becomes profitable. You know we are all about collecting royalties and we would really like to get our hands on that $285,775. So please, make the place profitable.
Second, we would like for you to leave a lump of coal in Jimmie Johnson’s stocking. As you know, he has won five Sprint Cup championships in a row and the fans seem to be getting a bit tired of that.
And more, if someone else were to finally win the title the fans might somehow become more in favor of our Chase for the Championship system. We all know it’s a great way for determining a champion but for some reason our fans don’t like it. If Jimmie were to not win they might finally realize the error of their ways.
Third, we would like for you to assure us that the new pavement at the Daytona International Speedway will hold up. The hole that developed during last year’s Daytona 500 was a bit embarrassing and we don’t want that to happen again.
Fourth, and this may be a bit much for even you, but we would like for Dale Earnhardt, Jr. to actually have a competitive season in 2011. We would especially like for him to win at least one or two races.
As you are no doubt aware, he is our sport’s most popular driver but has not won in a couple of years which seems to be having a negative impact on the previously mentioned attendance and ratings numbers. Please make him faster more often.
Please grant us these Christmas wishes because if you don’t we will have a much longer list next year at this time.
Yours truly,
NASCAR
Well, there it is. NASCAR Christmas wish list for the 2010 holiday season. Time will tell if Santa will grant any of the above and if it will do any good.
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Here are other columns you may find interesting:
Expect fewer fulltime teams in 2011 http://racingwithrich.com/?p=1327
Rumored changes would make NASCAR championship into more of a joke http://racingwithrich.com/?p=1326
With the ‘Drive for Five’ complete, Johnson’s next campaign will need a catchy slogan http://racingwithrich.com/?p=1325
Hendrick moves not made solely for purpose of appeasing Junior, Gordon http://racingwithrich.com/?p=1324
Gustafson may offer Gordon his last shot at championship glory http://racingwithrich.com/?p=1323
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December 15th, 2010 at 3:32 pm
very funny column, Rich. The thing is that it’s going to take more than Santa to fix NASCAR’s problems. Maybe a magic wand would be more helpful, particularly if it were strategically placed in Brian France’s anatomy?
I hear that ESPN has bought some super duper marketing company that places CGI ads in strategic places. They can probably cover up all the empty seats through the magic of computers and then NASCAR can at least pretend that it still has 75 million fans.
Or perhaps Santa will bring the race fans a big present and BZF will resign and go run a NFL team into the ground, so we can get back to enjoying racing.
December 15th, 2010 at 6:29 pm
“We would especially like for him to win at least one or two races.” For Jr. to run competitively again, you need to ask Santa to give him to another owner first, I will put that on my list to Santa, too.
December 23rd, 2010 at 4:52 pm
Richard
Wish you and your family and all the blog friends and family a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!