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NASCAR Personalities Send Their Requests to Santa

By admin | December 17, 2012

 By Richard Allen

Santa has his work cut out for him to fulfill the wishes of NASCAR’s top personalities.

Once again, the crack team at has used secretive investigation tactics to obtain copies of the letters sent from NASCAR personalities to Santa’s work shop at the North Pole.

Here are some of the requests Father Christmas will be attempting to fulfill on the morning of December 25th:

Brad Keselowski- “I would like a secret compartment in my car to hide my cell phone from NASCAR officials. And I’d like to have the memory of what happened in the 48 hours following the race at Homestead(sure hope I didn’t do any embarrassing interviews or anything). Also, the return of my beer glass, which I seemed to have lost right after the Homestead race.”

Juan Pablo Montoya- “A double-layered, no make that a triple-layered, fire suit with water absorbent material around the private parts area.”

Jeff Gordon- “My phone number erased out of Clint Bowyer’s cell phone so I can stop getting those prank calls at 2:00am. What time does he go to bed anyway?”

Clint Bowyer- “Better running shoes. Oh yeah, and you can return Keselowski’s beer glass I took from him right after the Homestead race. I was a little mad that day and needed something to calm my nerves.”

Chad Knaus- “You don’t have to get me anything. Santa Middlebrook already delivered my gift.”

Robin Pemberton- “Chad Knaus to get a job in IndyCar.”

Jimmie Johnson- “I’d like a seat added to the side of my car in case I have take Mr. H for another ride. That was kind of awkward looking.”

Roger Penske- “Are you kidding, I’m a billionaire. I should be giving you stuff, Santa.”

Danica Patrick- “Just make sure Dale Jr. stays on the lead lap in the Sprint Cup races so I can be the ‘Lucky Dog’ when those debris cautions come out. And by the way, you need to do something about the term ‘Lucky Dog’.”

Kevin Harvick- “Since I’ve already announced that I’m leaving RCR at the end of the year, just please don’t get Richard Childress a new watch until I’m gone.”

Kurt Busch- “You better bring me something nice, you (bleep).”

Kyle Busch- “Get the engineers at Toyota a better calculator so they can actually get my fuel mileage right.”

Denny Hamlin- “Just surprise us in the coming season and magically make the last two or three Chase races diappear.”

Dale Earnhardt, Jr.- “Could we please get some better scripts for my commercials? I mean, ‘You and me both, Junior’? Seriously, who writes this stuff?”

Martin Truex, Jr.- “Uh, what Junior said. No more N-N-N-NAPA Know How?”

Carl Edwards- “Relevance!”

There you have it. Now you know what many of your favorite personalities in racing are hoping to receive from Santa Claus. It will be interesting to see if the big guy in red delivers.

Click here to find out how you could win $25 by correctly predicting the winner of the Daytona 500.

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4 Responses to “NASCAR Personalities Send Their Requests to Santa”

  1. Tony Geinzer Says:
    December 18th, 2012 at 4:06 am

    I find everything you say be funny, Rich about Santa.

  2. Richard Allen Says:
    December 18th, 2012 at 10:48 am

    Feel free to make your own suggestions.

    What other NASCAR folks might have Christmas wishes?

  3. Offkilter Says:
    December 18th, 2012 at 8:23 pm

    Tony Stewart-”Santa, i was gonna wait and see how it goes with Danica, but i changed my mind. Can you go ahead and send over 5 extra sheet metal guys?”

    Jeff Burton-”Santa, please help me find some speed. If thats not possible, can you put a good word in Richard’s ear to at least keep me on the payroll as a personal coach to his grandsons?”

    Dale Jr-”Santa, hey man, how’s it hangin? You still wearin that diet dew cap that you had me to autograph? Heh heh. Listen, dude, I’m gonna have to ask you to help Steve to make a fast car off the truck to be faster during the race.

    Steve Letart-”Santa, can you help Jr make a fast car off the truck faster durimg the race? Oh, one more thing. Chad quit sharing notes again, can you talk to him?”

    Kyle Busch-”i know you told me last year that some things just aren’t possible, but i’m gonna ask again. Can you help me to be cool like Jr? How awesome it must be to be liked.”

    Kurt Busch-”hey Old man, is there a way you can fix this %*#ed up world so that it can sync up to my standard of m#%^*€¥%ing perfection? And make it quick, you %#^*. I aint got all day”

    Nascar fans-”Santa, can you blow up the turns of all 1.5 and 2 mile tracks and build back making them 1/2 to 3/4 a mile?”

  4. Michael in SoCal Says:
    December 19th, 2012 at 5:04 pm

    Offkilter’s Nascar fans wish is the one wish I think we all want to come true!! Right on Offkilter!