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10 Things That Ought to Happen on Chad Knaus’ Birthday

By admin | August 5, 2013


By Richard Allen

Chad Knaus was born on August 5, 1971 so today marks his 42nd birthday. With that in mind, here are ten things that out to occur each year on this date to celebrate the life and times of the crew chief of the Hendrick Motorsports #48 car for Jimmie Johnson.

1. Party for all NASCAR tech inspectors: Based on the amount of fine money he has had to pay over the years, there should be enough money stored away to fund a huge bash for the tech guys who have busted him.

2. C-posts for everyone: After being busted for illegal C-posts on the #48 car last year in Daytona, all C-posts in the Hendrick Motorsports shops should be confiscated and mailed out to other teams for their use, free of penalty.

3. Dinner with John Middlebrook: Since it was NASCAR’s chief appellate officer who freed Knaus from his C-post penalty, the crew chief ought to spring for the man’s dinner each August 5th.

4. Last in line at the buffet: Since Knaus probably has to live on a tight budget with all those fines having been paid, he’ll likely have to take Middlebrook to a lower budget eatery like Golden Corral or Shoney’s. That being the case, it would only be fitting for Knaus to have to wait for everyone else to go through the line ahead of him, since his car is often the last through the tech inspection line.

5. Drive around town with the rear window out: After being busted in 2006 for an illegal rear window in the 48 car, Knaus should have to drive around town in honor of his birthday with the rear window removed from his own car.

6. Change your own tires, dude: Remember when Knaus canned an entire pit crew in the middle of a race? Yeah, those guys probably haven’t forgotten it either. Each year on August 5th, those guys should sneak out to the HMS parking lot and remove the tires from his car and leave them there for him to change. The dude part comes from his fondness of referring to Johnson and crew members as dude over the team radio.

7. The Chad Knaus Fender Flare-inator: Knaus, along with Steve Letarte, was busted once in 2007 at Sonoma for having the fenders on the #48 car flared out a bit more than NASCAR inspectors liked. A special ceremony should be held on August 5th every year at the NASCAR Hall of Fame to rename each device used to catch the offending crew chief after him, starting with the “Chad Knaus Fender Flare-inator”.

8. Pardon me: In honor of Knaus’s birthday, all other crew chief fines, suspensions and probations should be ended on August 5th of every year. Everyone should get a pardon.

9. Text you later: During one of his suspensions, it was rumored that Knaus was somewhere on the grounds of a track on race day texting directions to his team. All Sprint texting charges should be dropped on August 5th.

10. The Adventures of Ole Five Time and CK: Few crew chiefs have every received as much praise for their driver’s success as Knaus has for Johnson’s. Since they are quite the dynamic duo, someone should create a cartoon featuring “Ole Five Time and CK”(A story of two heroes fighting the injustice of overzealous NASCAR inspectors) and release the movie on August 5th.

There you have it. August 5th should be a day of fun and games in honor of birthday boy Chad Knaus.

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2 Responses to “10 Things That Ought to Happen on Chad Knaus’ Birthday”

  1. Wayne Hartsock Says:
    August 6th, 2013 at 4:41 pm


  2. Tony Geinzer Says:
    August 6th, 2013 at 7:21 pm

    I don’t know, what about a Monkey and an Actual Wrench? Stavola didn’t see the humor, why not Knaus?