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Santa’s NASCAR Naughty and Nice Lists

By admin | December 21, 2013

 By Richard Allen

Some NASCAR personalities will wake up on Christmas morning to find great gifts delivered by Santa under their trees. However, there are some who will receive the lump of coal from the polar resident known for keeping lists of those who have been naughty and nice.

The crack staff at has obtained a copy of these somewhat twisted ’Naughty and Nice Lists’ and will now expose each.

Let’s start off with those who will be receiving coal this Christmas:

Some folks will find that the jolly old elf isn’t so jolly after all.

Denny Hamlin- Never mind that he was injured later on. This young man dared to speak ill of NASCAR’s Gen6 race car. Enjoy your coal, Mr. Hamlin: Naughty.

Jimmie Johnson- Yeah, he won his sixth Sprint Cup title and all that. But on three separate occasions the #48 team deprived Junior Nation of a celebration by winning races and relegating Dale Earnhardt, Jr. to 2nd place. Sorry JJ, but it’s a lump of vanilla flavored coal for you: Naughty.

P.S.- A lump of coal isn’t all bad for Jimmie. After Chad Knaus rubs his hands over it, the coal will turn into a diamond and go nicely with the golden horseshoe they already have.

Anyone who suggested that Danica’s Daytona 500 pole wasn’t legitimate- How dare you even think a conspiracy based on a short term ratings boost rather than long term and sustained success might be afoot in this sport. And besides, Danica’s record after Daytona speaks for itself…well, never mind that. A stocking full of the black rock for you, my friends: Naughty.

ESPN and TNT- What? You want out of your TV contract early? Don’t you realize that you have caused Brian France to have to concern himself with racing for a few minutes. Coal and coal for you, so-called broadcasters: Naughty.

P.S.- Again, coal is not all bad here. After all, Dale Jr. says it keeps the lights on, and TV networks need lights.


And now for those who have been nice this year:

Some folks in NASCAR will wake up to find wonderful gifts under their trees as a reward for being nice.

Jeff Gordon- He received NASCAR’s newest version of the “Lucky Dog” after “Spingate” was ruled upon as he got a free pass into the Chase for the Sprint Cup. However, by not going on from there to win the championship and thus requiring an asterisk be placed in the record book because of his unusual invitation, he proved himself worthy of a great gift: Nice.

Stewart-Haas Racing- Are you kidding? This is the biggest no-brainer on Santa’s list. Any organization that puts Tony Stewart, Kevin Harvick, Kurt Busch and Danica Patrick on the same team to provide what is certain to be a media gold mine is getting something really good under their tree: Nice.

Mike Helton and Robin Pemberton- For constantly going to bat for the sport when Mr. France is nowhere to be found, no matter how ridiculous it may make you look personally, you’re getting something good: Nice.

NASCAR tracks that are reducing their seating capacity- These folks could take the easy route and do something like reduce ticket prices to put people in all those empty seats, but they’ve decided to go the extra mile. Instead, they are going to take out seats in order to “improve the fan experience”. That’s putting you guys in line for something good under your trees: Nice.

The Gen6 car- In today’s world, it’s not about performance. It’s not how good you are that matters but how good you look doing it. And there has been nothing better at living up to that than the Gen6. Good on ya, my friend: Nice.

Danica Patrick- Speaking of performance not mattering, it’s Danica’s turn. Since NASCAR’s TV ratings are not what they used to be and attendance is down from the all time highs of a few years ago, Danica found new ways put herself in the spotlight. She hosted music awards shows, cooked on TV, dated another driver to make it on TMZ, and of course, made plenty of commercials. For keeping the brand alive, there will be good things under her tree for sure: Nice.

Fox Sports 1- You took an all racing channel off the air to provide us with a wider variety of sports coverage(which apparently means showing fight related programs 24/7). For broadening our horizons, you’re getting the good stuff: Nice.

Those who have taken the time to visit this site- As you can see, Santa’s lists can be a bit hard to figure. But there’s no doubt that you truly are going on the good list. Here’s hoping you have a very Merry Christmas: Nice.

Topics: Articles |

3 Responses to “Santa’s NASCAR Naughty and Nice Lists”

  1. Gregory D. Howe Says:
    December 22nd, 2013 at 8:58 am

    Merry Christmas to you and yours! Some folks drink the Kool-Aid others the Egg Nog! Ya-HA!

  2. Tony Geinzer Says:
    December 22nd, 2013 at 3:07 pm

    I have a 3rd List, Rich, and it would be the Stock Car Wish List: I know its a bit late to wish for anything new for 14 other than Firing Fox Sports, that is not new from me, but, let’s have a Real Stock Car National Title which would be a bigger version of the Prelude to the Dream. Speaking of that, does Smoke have a fire to get the Prelude to the Dream out of the Garage to include real Dirt Unknowns with the Jimmy Owens, Stock Car Heroes Jimmie Johnson and Elliott Sadler, and Racers Greg Anderson,Ron Capps, Ryan Villopoto, Scott Pruett and Tony Kanaan? I’d like to see the All Star Race that would cure all All Star Races and Games.

  3. JudyB Says:
    December 22nd, 2013 at 9:31 pm

    How can this be considered a true list w/out BZF getting the biggest bag of coal ever? :)