By admin | January 12, 2009
By Richard Allen
*** My first experience at public writing was on a Knoxville sports talk hostâ€™s website. In that blog I often made rather lame attempts at humor about a wide variety of subjects. Since there is not very much to write about in the world of NASCAR during the off season I thought I would give it another shot.***
Hey NASCAR fans, itâ€™s time for the new and exciting game called, â€œHow long beforeâ€¦â€
Hereâ€™s the way it works. There will be a list of possible happenings during the 2009 NASCAR season. Your job is to decide â€œHow long beforeâ€¦â€ each of these things may happen. Those who answer the questions correctly will win the satisfaction of answering the questions correctly.
So, what do you say? Letâ€™s get started with â€œHow long beforeâ€¦â€(This is where there would be some catchy game show theme music as a fancy illuminated game board would be lowered into place.)
Remember to insert the words â€œHow long beforeâ€¦â€ in front of each phrase below:
1. â€¦ a Sprint Cup team cheats on the â€œGentlemenâ€™s agreementâ€ of no testing on non sanctioned tracks? For a bonus, which team will it be?
2. â€¦ Tony Stewart is unable to remember that he is supposed to be patient with his new team and blows a fuse? For a bonus, in the style of his hero A.J. Foyt, how many crew members will be fired?
3. â€¦ Goodyear has another debacle? Or should we say â€˜blowoutâ€™?
4. â€¦ a race is run with fewer than 43 cars? For a bonus, how many appearances will the â€˜Racing for Jesusâ€™ car make in 2009?
5. â€¦ a team that started the season as a full time team ceases being a full time team? *Warning* Your answer does not count if you select a team in which the driver is over 60 years of age or if the owner is indicted on Federal charges.
6. â€¦ Carl Edwards does a back flip? Do you think he did one off the altar when his new wife said, â€œI doâ€?
7. â€¦ Carl Edwards misses a back flip? For a bonus, how many stitches will his doctor/wife have to use?
8. â€¦ Carl Edwards has another heavily hit upon, You Tube shown incident with another driver? For a bonus, will the driver be a teammate or not?
9. â€¦ a celebrity either butchers the National Anthem or does something uncalled for and inappropriate while doing â€œGentlemen, Start Your Enginesâ€? For a bonus, which driverâ€™s ears, eyes, nose or other body part will be made fun of?
10. â€¦ Jeff Gordon wins again? *Warning* If Ray Evernham returns as his crew chief this question will be made null and void.
11. â€¦ Matt Kenseth wins again? For a bonus, will he smile in victory lane?
12. â€¦ rumors start up that Danica Patrick may be coming to NASCAR? For a bonus, which will come first: rumors of her coming to NASCAR or rumors of her dating Dale Earnhardt, Jr.? Go Daddy!
13. â€¦ someone is busted by NASCARâ€™s new drug policy? It doesnâ€™t appear as though steroids are a major factor among most drivers.
14. â€¦ a crew chief is suspended for six races? Wouldnâ€™t it be great if the offending crew chief came back to the track in professional wrestling style by wearing a mask and claiming to be from â€˜parts unknownâ€™?
15. â€¦ you wish you had the last couple of minutes of your life back? What can I say, itâ€™s been a long time since the last race.
Richard Allen is a member of the National Motorsports Press Association(at least before this was written). His weekly column appears in The Mountain Press every Wednesday.
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