By admin | January 12, 2009
By Richard Allen
*** My first experience at public writing was on a Knoxville sports talk host’s website. In that blog I often made rather lame attempts at humor about a wide variety of subjects. Since there is not very much to write about in the world of NASCAR during the off season I thought I would give it another shot.***
Hey NASCAR fans, it’s time for the new and exciting game called, “How long before…”
Here’s the way it works. There will be a list of possible happenings during the 2009 NASCAR season. Your job is to decide “How long before…” each of these things may happen. Those who answer the questions correctly will win the satisfaction of answering the questions correctly.
So, what do you say? Let’s get started with “How long before…”(This is where there would be some catchy game show theme music as a fancy illuminated game board would be lowered into place.)
Remember to insert the words “How long before…” in front of each phrase below:
1. … a Sprint Cup team cheats on the “Gentlemen’s agreement” of no testing on non sanctioned tracks? For a bonus, which team will it be?
2. … Tony Stewart is unable to remember that he is supposed to be patient with his new team and blows a fuse? For a bonus, in the style of his hero A.J. Foyt, how many crew members will be fired?
3. … Goodyear has another debacle? Or should we say ‘blowout’?
4. … a race is run with fewer than 43 cars? For a bonus, how many appearances will the ‘Racing for Jesus’ car make in 2009?
5. … a team that started the season as a full time team ceases being a full time team? *Warning* Your answer does not count if you select a team in which the driver is over 60 years of age or if the owner is indicted on Federal charges.
6. … Carl Edwards does a back flip? Do you think he did one off the altar when his new wife said, “I do”?
7. … Carl Edwards misses a back flip? For a bonus, how many stitches will his doctor/wife have to use?
8. … Carl Edwards has another heavily hit upon, You Tube shown incident with another driver? For a bonus, will the driver be a teammate or not?
9. … a celebrity either butchers the National Anthem or does something uncalled for and inappropriate while doing “Gentlemen, Start Your Engines”? For a bonus, which driver’s ears, eyes, nose or other body part will be made fun of?
10. … Jeff Gordon wins again? *Warning* If Ray Evernham returns as his crew chief this question will be made null and void.
11. … Matt Kenseth wins again? For a bonus, will he smile in victory lane?
12. … rumors start up that Danica Patrick may be coming to NASCAR? For a bonus, which will come first: rumors of her coming to NASCAR or rumors of her dating Dale Earnhardt, Jr.? Go Daddy!
13. … someone is busted by NASCAR’s new drug policy? It doesn’t appear as though steroids are a major factor among most drivers.
14. … a crew chief is suspended for six races? Wouldn’t it be great if the offending crew chief came back to the track in professional wrestling style by wearing a mask and claiming to be from ‘parts unknown’?
15. … you wish you had the last couple of minutes of your life back? What can I say, it’s been a long time since the last race.
Richard Allen is a member of the National Motorsports Press Association(at least before this was written). His weekly column appears in The Mountain Press every Wednesday.
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